"What the hell doyou mean John ?" Pleading, desperate, frustrated but strangely absentof any hint of anger or surprise. " I can't, I can't give you what youwant I'm.......I'm.....God Wendy, I just can't". "You can't what John?say it, tell me, tell me what you can't do to me, what you can't giveme, I want to hear you say it, I want to...I need to hear the words"." Please Wendy please please don't make me say it, I can't Wendy, Ican't" I hear my pitiful words in my own head and my self loathingescalates to another level, what sort of husband, what sort of man amI. The answer comes immediately. I'm not. I'm neither. What sort ofhusband tortures his wife with his own shame, his own lies, his ownself delusions to avoid facing up to the truth? What sort of manpromises a woman the physical intimacy, the corporeal closeness, thetangible representation of the love, desire and need for one anotherknowing all the while he is incapable of doing so, worse, knowing thathe does really not want. Shutting her eyes, she let her hand drift, slide, slip upward, cupping the underside of her breast, stroking, teasing, knowing what she really wanted to do, consciously denying herself the pleasure as she felt her nipples grow even stiffer in anticipation.?They are probably quite obvious, this silk top is so thin?, she thought to herself, a combination of embarrassment and delight in her mind, both thrilling her. She opened her eyes to look around the train compartment, surprised to find a couple sitting across from her. ?Oh!? she thought ?I don’t remember them being here!? She found herself frozen for a moment, knowing she should move her hand, but fearing to call more attention to its location and obvious purpose if she did so. She saw their eyes, the man’s fixed on her chest, the woman - smiling - looking from her partner’s eyes to Ariel and back again.?I...I...I will get my bag, that’s it? she thought to herself ?get my bag and put on a - oh god!? she thought, as she looked.
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